10. I resolve to cover Patrick Swayze in clay

Happy New Year folks! I want to kick-start 2016 with an appropriately positive post about taking the new year by the horns and riding it bare back to Copacabana and home again. I want to list my modest 34 New Year Resolutions, which are usually a variation of the following:-

1: Always wear matching underwear.

2: Join gym (again).

3: Join pottery class – recreate scene from Ghost.

4: Join Yoga studio next to work. Go EVERY lunch-time.

Etc etc…

There’s normally around 30 more, equally self serving, ambitions to join, learn and live adventurously.

I want to start this year with my best foot forward, blindly hopeful and determined, like a whippet at the starting gate (in matching underwear) that has just caught scent of a rabbit. I want to be ready and raring to go. I want to, but I’ve found myself anxiously hanging around the starting line with my tail between my legs. I want to be chomping at the bit with my habitual enthusiasm to skip round the track, but it’s cold and I suspect the rabbit’s going to get away. I want to begin 2016 just as I have previous years.  I want to, but I can’t. This year I’ve got a new appendage hanging on for the ride and it seems to be weighing me down; Lucian Lupus, what are you doing here? You weren’t invited! I don’t quite feel like racing anymore…

I’ve realised that my usual New Year Resolutions are no longer working for me. Wearing matching underwear feels futile when it’s an effort to put any on at all. I need to manage a full day at work before wasting energy covering Patrick Swayze’s six-pack in clay. And surviving a gym session is as realistic as me running a marathon backwards and blindfolded whilst speaking fluent Swahili. (Although this is fairly unrealistic at this time, it’s not altogether unrealistic if I should really put my mind to it. Next year perhaps. Natarajia mbio za marathon nyuma, which means, ‘I look forward to running a marathon backwards and blindfolded’- in Swahili. I’m practically fluent already). I digress…

It’s no big deal really. I just need to realign my resolutions, at least until I’ve found the right medication to curb Lucian’s current enthusiasm. Every day I’ll write a new and more realistic resolution depending on how I’m feeling at the time. I.e. ‘wash your hair without sitting down in the shower!’ Or, ‘remember to take your pills after breakfast!’ Or, ‘Do. Not. Feel. Sorry. For. Yourself. because it’s not like Patrick Swayze was ever actually going to be in the pottery class.’

Admittedly it’s been a fairly disheartening start to the year as I’ve struggled with the mundanity* of lustreless lupus life. But reassessing my list of resolutions for 2016 doesn’t have to mean I’m any less imaginative or determined, I just have to be a little bit more realistic, for now. (FYI. 2017’s list is going to include space travel and a pet monkey.)

So I’m keeping this post short tonight, because my resolution for today is ‘go to bed early, because tomorrow you’re back at work!’

Goodnight fellow whippets. Now get some rest because we’re going to need all our energy to achieve the resolutions we’ve set out to conquer – whether that’s to catch the rabbit, or just to wash your hair. x

*Apparently mundanity isn’t actually a word, but you know exactly what I mean, and I think it’s a perfectly great word. If we all start saying ‘mundanity’ then the clever folks at the Oxford English Dictionary might be really embarrassed that they’ve accidentally missed out a word, and pop it in there. Success! Mundanity all round!… although that doesn’t sound like very much fun.


I resolve to be good, in moderation.


2 thoughts on “10. I resolve to cover Patrick Swayze in clay

  1. Happy New Year lovely Leonie. How about one catch-all resolution – Never make a resolution you can’t achieve. And mundanity should definitely be a word. Heather xx


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